Kitra: I have never been a Halloween person. I’ve talked about this before, but I’ve generally found it to be at best an inconvenience.
Jordan: I’m sure you’re holding in a number of opinions about it.
- Costumes are not worth it. Ever.
- “Spoopy” is the worst made up nonsense word and I hate it.
Fair. I’ll continue.
- Who even are all of you on twitter now
- It’s dark at 6:30, I’m tired of rounding corners only to come face to face with a shadowy figure that turns out to be a decoration.
- It’s a drinking holiday, which are always bad and should be ended.
- Usually, it’s a weeknight and everyone is tired and mean the next day, and I don’t get the right amount of sleep that night.
- Pressure to have fun: the real problem with all holidays.
- No one ever knows what anyone is dressed as, and it is a straight bummer for all involved.
- Somehow this is a fireworks holiday too???? IDK
- People should not knock on doors ever, I have a terrier and she hates it.
- No one has ever invited me to a Halloween party and I personally am bummed out by that.
I mean, points 1 through 10 suggest that they would have very good reasons to think you’d be uninterested.
- Re: No. 11: I also don’t get to say “I can’t go because it’s also MY BIRTHDAY WHICH YOU FORGOT AGAIN, but you sure could make that costume 3 months out thanks” which is really pent up in my spirit for many, many people I’ve known.
Oh no, this was not supposed to be a sad blog post, I’m sorry I led us here.
- I don’t like scary things.
- Most of the candy is bad, no one likes Jolly Ranchers.
I feel like you added an extra one specifically so that you didn’t have 13 points there.
Surprisingly, I have no problem with 13. It’s always been my favorite number.
However, my current neighborhood has changed my animosity these past few years. While I’m still not into “Halloween” per se, I am into 500 teeny tiny children cramming into the front gate of my yard for a mini Snickers (no knocking, I just sit on the steps). It’s adorable. And it gives me an excuse to have some friends over for snacks and to help make the 100 CVS runs as all the candy disappears. This year, however, there will be no trick-or-treaters coming around, and I have no excuse to buy 50lbs of candy.
Look, we don’t have a way to make Halloween fun this year.
Again: It is never fun, see above.
We cannot wave our magic princess/witch/princess-witch wands and make it safe to send children wandering the neighborhood. But we can help you with the candy thing.
Previously, we’ve focused on the vibes of a Halloween cake. This year, it’s about the candy. Yay! Candy!
Shockingly, despite the inclusion of literal candy in this, it’s not the most horrifyingly sweet cake we’ve made. It’s not even the most horrifyingly sweet Halloween cake we’ve made—that honor goes to the cake that was covered in yogurt-pretzel ghosts.
Frosting: Tangy. Cake: Soft and lovely. Dulche de Leche: Yes. Candy: Chopped and shoved in there thank you very much.
You might be tempted to swap in a standard chocolate fudge frosting, but don’t give into that temptation. The sour cream frosting is the perfect counterpoint to the sweetness of the rest of it.
Since this year, you’ll be free from many of the horrors of this holiday, it’s a great time to redirect the extra energy you would usually spend sewing a costume or shoving your drunk friend into a car after they get into it with someone dressed as a giant hotdog. May I suggest cake as an outlet?
And hey, it’s a small cake, but it’s still big enough to share. If the spirit moves you (no pun intended), you might invite a few friends over to have some socially distanced dessert, costumes completely optional.Read More